Eight Americas

The View Through The Windshield
A Blog About Cars ... and Everything Else I See
by Joe Sherlock
This blog is about cars, automobiles and more.

Eight Americas: Each Is One Unique And Special (posted 9/13/05)

It's inevitable. Whenever reporters and pundits run out of things to write about, they seek the cover of a good ol' 'us and them' story. Rich vs. poor. Black vs. white. Haves vs. have-nots. And the headline is always the same: 'There Are Two Americas'. Baloney. There are many Americas. I've come up with eight:

	Right Wing America	Lefty America	Redneck America	Celebrity America	Geezer America	Ghetto America	Gearhead America	Victim America
daily driver	expensive but conservative sedan	20 year-old Volvo or Subaru	GMC duallie	Bentley Continental GT (and a Prius for photo ops)	ancient Town Car with padded vinyl roof	$200 car with $2,000 dubs	something fast	'92 Ford Escort on 4 space saver spare tires
vehicle color	Metallic Burgundy	faded Seafoam	Dukes of Hazzard Orange	something custom and expensive	something pale and inoffensive	primer	Arrest-Me Red	too dirty to identify
bumper sticker	None. "It might damage the paint on my S-Class."	15 of them, involving whales, the environment, Central America and recycling	'I'd Rather Be Fishin'.' - or - (in Georgia) 'How 'Bout Them Dawgs?'	None. "It might damage my image by becoming stale."	'Ask Me About My Grandkids'	None, but license plate hanging by paper clip throws sparks from roadway.	None "It might damage the paint on my Corvette."	(see above)
drive-time listening	Rush	NPR	Brooks & Dunn	sound of own voice	Music of Your Life	"I can't hear ya - I got the speakers cranked!"	rumble of Glasspaks	Dr. Laura: "But she's soooooo mean sometimes."
today's entree	medium-rare filet with a Mondavi red	tofu and bean burrito with sun tea	Bar-B-Que with Bud	something expensive to be vomited later	bran muffin with Metamucil	Spaghetti Os with Ripple	"Don't eat in my #@!%& car!"	"My fridge is empty. I didn't shop; I had some setbacks."
most recent arrest	DUI on the way home from the Country Club	disorderly conduct at protest and marijuana possession (found during post-arrest search)	haulin' moonshine	assaulting paparazzi	driving too slow - creating a hazardous condition	"They're not burglar tools, officer. I'm goin' to Locksmith College."	50 mph over the limit	driving without a license. "It's so not fair! I moved. They sent the renewal to my old address."
political theater	online petition, lawn sign with red white & blue graphics and a short slogan	street marches involving paper mache puppets and banners with long screeds	re-enacting key scenes from 'Deliverance' using scared hippies or city folk	photo op with baby seal	voting against anything that might raise taxes	nightly gunfire	angry letter to Hemmings Motor News about EPA and CAFE	whining in line at various social agencies
	Right Wing America	Lefty America	Redneck America	Celebrity America	Geezer America	Ghetto America	Gearhead America	Victim America

Other Pages Of Interest

Disclaimer

The facts presented in this blog are based on my best guesses and my substantially faulty geezer memory. The opinions expressed herein are strictly those of the author and are protected by the U.S. Constitution. Probably.

Spelling, punctuation and syntax errors are cheerfully repaired when I find them; grudgingly fixed when you do.

If I have slandered any brands of automobiles, either expressly or inadvertently, they're most likely crap cars and deserve it. Automobile manufacturers should be aware that they always have the option of trying to change my mind by providing me with vehicles to test drive.

If I have slandered any people or corporations in this blog, either expressly or inadvertently, they should buy me strong drinks (and an expensive meal) and try to prove to me that they're not the jerks I've portrayed them to be. If you're buying, I'm willing to listen.

Don't be shy - try a bribe. It might help.

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