How To Save Chrysler (posted 2/23/2007)
As you know, DaimlerChrysler wishes to dispose of its Chrysler automotive arm.
DaimlerChrysler's problems can be your opportunity for investment success.
Now you can save this Legendary American Industrial Giant - with Investor Timeshares. Yes, you could own a piece of Chrysler's vast manufacturing colossus. And produce whatever vehicle you want.
As with any timeshare program, you'd get to use it a little bit every year.
Here are the key numbers you need to know: Chrysler has 14 assembly plants. At full-capacity (250 days/year x 3 shifts/day), there are, theoretically, 10,500 shifts available (14x250x3). Since each timeshare holder wants to produce something different, you've got to allow for changeover, start-up time, etc. So plan on 60% efficiency. That means 6,300 shifts are available each year.
Chrysler can probably be bought for $4 billion or so. Therefore, a single-shift timeshare unit would cost $635,000. For that price, you get one shift per year to make anything you want.
Most plants run 60-80 cars per hour on the line. You'll get something less because of start-up inefficiencies, say 40 to 50 cars per hour for 7 to 8 hours. Worse case, you'll end up with 280 cars in a single shift. Keep a couple for yourself and sell the rest.
Using Chrysler's vast parts and tooling resources, you could make a bunch of 1953 Plymouth Cranbrooks with modern disc brakes and the 1960s slant six engine.
There are about 2,800 loyal Plymouth fans in the Plymouth Owners Club. You would only need to capture 10% of them to sell out all of your production. Of course, you'll have to pay for materials and labor. And, if you amortize the cost of your time share in a single year (Wow! A one year return of capital - that's spectacular!), you'd have to add another $2,270 to the cost of each car. But, if you've only got 278 to sell, you can price 'em high (supply and demand) and make a tidy profit in addition to your investment recapture. Use your imagination; flex your entrepreneural muscles.
And, because it's a timeshare program, you can do it all over again next year. Manufacture the same model, or a completely different one. Either way, big profits can be yours - year after year. Why, it's like printing money!
Consider the possibilities - a 1984 Dodge Minivan with a Viper engine. Awesome! Or a '49 Jeepster with modern engine and brakes.
Fancy some Corinthian leather? The 1977 Chrysler Cordoba tooling awaits you.
Personally, I'm thinking of a big-finned 1957 DeSoto Firesweep short-wheelbase hardtop coupe with the modern Hemi engine. (This time, we'll run the bodies through the electrostatic coating tank so they won't rust away in a year or two.) We'll also install those cool swivel seats from the '59 models. Finish every one of the 'Sotos in purple metalflake with 20" chrome dubs and disc brakes. I'm sure I could sell 278 of them in the rap community alone. Way tighter than a Maybach, dog.
Or you can pay extra for some new stamping dies and come up with a car that's really you - like 'The Homer' on The Simpsons.
What about those pesky federal regulations? Pollution control, crashworthiness, etc. Not to worry. I'm sure Chrysler has a lot of old unused VINs laying around, so we'll be just "finishing off old production." (Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. Know what I mean?) It's the same stunt 'ol Carroll Shelby pulled a few years back. We'll simply hire his lawyer.
Dealers? Don't need 'em! This is a new Limited Partnership, so all old dealership contracts are null and void. Besides, there will be no badges, names or emblems on these cars; they'll all look better nosed and decked anyway. And any independent repair shop can fix 'em. Sell 'em direct, eliminate the middleman and pocket the difference! Market your cars by putting up a web page. Or use eBay.
Don't have $635,000 to invest? No problem. Just get a bunch of your car buddies together and pool your resources. Heck, you've all been sitting around second-guessing Detroit for years. This is your chance to put your money where your mouth is!
Besides, this is a better deal than that Maui timeshare thing you got sucked into a couple of years ago. And your wife won't be pissed because this time she'll get a free car. Right?
By the way, how much can you tap from your 401-K?
The American auto industry was built by dreamers with the fortitude and guts to turn their dreams into rolling steel. Now, you can help rebuild the America auto industry while making your own car dreams come true.
And make a healthy return on your investment.
The only question is - are you man enough? Do you have the guts to be America's next automotive success story?
Don't delay! Call our toll-free number now for your Free Chrysler Timeshare Investor Kit. Operators are standing by.
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Disclaimer
The facts presented in this blog are based on my best guesses and my substantially faulty geezer memory. The opinions expressed herein are strictly those of the author and are protected by the U.S. Constitution. Probably.
Spelling, punctuation and syntax errors are cheerfully repaired when I find them; grudgingly fixed when you do.
If I have slandered any brands of automobiles, either expressly or inadvertently, they're most likely crap cars and deserve it. Automobile manufacturers should be aware that they always have the option of trying to change my mind by providing me with vehicles to test drive.
If I have slandered any people or corporations in this blog, either expressly or inadvertently, they should buy me strong drinks (and an expensive meal) and try to prove to me that they're not the jerks I've portrayed them to be. If you're buying, I'm willing to listen.
Don't be shy - try a bribe. It might help.
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